Mountain

Mountain

As I have walked around this world, I have lived in enough shame to build a mountain out of it. Having walked in the darkness for years on end, shame continued to build and build until it became unbearable. Climbing and climbing the mountain of being a people pleaser produced fatigue so thick that I wanted to quit this walk altogether. I still thought that I needed other’s approval to worship God, and I thought that I still needed to please people, so I kept climbing that mountain that does not have a peak. The shame piled on when I thought that someone did not approve of my life.

The mountain of shame grew to the height of worthlessness and guilt, pain and agony. Walking before Christ in the darkness of worthlessness felt surprisingly comfortable and right. I wanted to get off of that mountain, but there was nowhere else to go. Plus, I would have to climb all the way down the dreadful mountain that I was already on, and that was just too much work, and I was selfishly unwilling to do it. So, there I sat, soaking up the shame and worthlessness, because that is just what I knew.

Every single day, I thought, “What in the world am I doing here?” And, “obviously this is not how God wants me to live, but why does it feel so comfortable and why don’t I want to leave this situation?” It became my way of life and I was blind to the fact that it was severely destroying my life. I was allowing the enemy to make a root of worthlessness in my life and I did not realize it at all.

One day, as I awoke on a shelf of the mountain of shame and worthlessness, a marvelous light shown through the cracks in the rocks and the schemes of the devil were revealed. I could make out a different mountain in the distance, and I could clearly see a multitude of people climbing that mountain. It looked as though they climbed with ease, and if someone happened to slip or stumble, several people would put a hand out to help. I had never experienced that on the mountain that I was climbing. I sat for an entire day and pondered what I saw on the other mountain. I compared it over and over with my experience on this mountain of sheer destruction. The next day, I woke up and did the same thing. I was kind of scared to start the descent down this dark mountain, so; again, I sat and thought about my situation. What would have to change? When I got to flat ground, would I run to the new mountain, or would I walk? When I got to flat ground, would I forget about the shame, guilt, pain, agony, and worthlessness? I knew that I would not know the answers unless I started moving. I packed up my gear and began to make my descent down the mountain of deceit. It seemed that with each step that I took, something fell from my body or something was broken off. Often times, I had to stop and rest. Whatever fell off, whether it was a finger, or a hand, or an ear, it was replaced by something new, something pure. After several days, I finally made it to flat ground. For some reason, the thoughts of guilt and shame were still there, but just as a reminder of where I cam from, not to bring me down, but so that I could be grateful of where my Lord has brought me out of.

I started to run. The shackles were gone, and I ran as fast as I could towards the new mountain. Out of the worthlessness, out of the shame, out of the pain and agony, I was running away from it. The marvelous light that had shown through the cracks in the old mountain now shown all around me. I made camp between the old mountain and the new mountain. The next day, I was back to running, and I made it to the foot of the new mountain. There was a plaque there with something written on it. I began to read:

Climbing this mountain is no easy task, but will bring you the greatest freedom that you have ever known. Climbing this mountain is no easy feat, but will bring you to the foot of the cross, where you will find peace. Climb at your own risk, because this life will be completely different from the one that you just left. Climbing this mountain is not as easy as one would think, but you do not have to climb it alone. When the rocks seem too difficult to hold onto, CLIMB! When you are unsure of your footing, CLIMB! Climbing this mountain is no walk in the park, but keep pushing on. Climbing this mountain is the most enjoyable thing imaginable by any person, so what are you waiting for? CLIMB!

I begin to climb this new mountain. There are people all around me. They are not pushing me out of the way or trying to get in front of me, but they are there to help me and make conversation along the way.

This mountain may not be easier to climb, but around every corner is grace and peace. This mountain may not be easier to climb, but there are people everywhere to help lead the way. This mountain may not be easier to climb, but there is a promise of a Savior who has already secured the victory.