Stand
As I was walking through the forest at night, I felt the darkness fall on me like a ton of bricks. The pain, the agony, the stress. I fell in the dingy mud and could not find a way to get back to my feet. It was so dark that I could not even see my hands in front of me. After hours and hours of struggling, I finally made it back to my feet. Trembling, I began to stumble towards some sort of light………..so dim, but yet visible in the distance. I tried to run, but there seemed to be something holding my feet close to the ground. Some sort of weight on my ankles, pushing my feet back to the ground every time I tried to take a lengthy stride. So, all I could do was walk……and even that took forever. As I approached the light, it seemed to get smaller and smaller and even more dim than it was before. Soon, the light was gone. I turned round and round, but saw nothing but darkness. The same darkness that forced me into the mud. The same darkness that tried to defeat me millions and millions of times before. Something’s got to give, something. Why can’t I find a way out of this darkness, this death, this nightmare? Why can’t I escape this torture? There’s another dim light in the distance. How can I get to it? I do the same thing as last time. I walk……it seems like it takes me forever and a day, but finally, I make it close enough, but again, the light disappears. Then, all of a sudden, I feel a sense of lightness in my body, like the weights have been taken off of my shoulders and ankles. I try running, but I trip and fall in the mud again. Dirty and in need of some sort of food, I stand and walk, but this time its easier. I put my hand in front of me and I can see it. For the first time in years, I can make out my hand in front of me. I start to jog……then, I begin to run, no stumbling, no tripping. I run in a direction that I have never even thought of. I run and run and run and finally get to a place where not only can I see my hands, but I can see everything. Trees, clouds, the sun, grass, houses, buildings. I can see everything. There is no mud, just solid ground. I bend down to pick up some fresh grass to sniff it and smell its beauty. I look and see a rock in the distance. A big rock…….one that children would play on. It almost seems like it begs me to run to it. I finally make it to the rock. There is an inscription on it. Set yourself upon this rock and walk in Freedom, never to fear the darkness and mud again. I climb onto the rock and reflect on my life. Do I want to stand in the darkness and continue to fall in the mud? Do I want to stand in the darkness with the pain and torture that once ruled my life? Do I want to stand in the darkness with weights around my ankles and on my shoulders? Or, do I want to stand on this rock and be able to see what’s before me, free to run without bearing the weight of that darkness? So, it lead me to this question. Who stands and what do they stand on? Do they stand on the rock, or do they stand in the mud?
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Walk
Walk
1 John 2:6 “He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.”
If we say that we love God, but we hate our neighbor, then what are we saying about God? What are we saying about His love? If we say that we are in Christ, but do not walk as He walked, then what are we saying about His life, (His deity)? Are we making God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ out to be a lie? Or, are we revealing our true self? If we say that God has changed our lives, but we continue to be consumed by a life of sin, then what are we showing the world? Are we showing the world that it is okay to live in sin, but say that we are living for God? Is there a fine line between living for God and living in sin? We are kidding ourselves if we say that there is, because the gap is huge, and it should be. There should be a big difference between a life that is walked out with Christ and a life that is lived in the pit of sin. We try to set the boundaries in our lives. I will not do this because god would be disappointed, but this other thing is okay, God will permit it. Those are thoughts that go through our minds, and the devil is ecstatic when we allow ourselves to believe those thoughts. The life that is walked out with Christ should be in the same footsteps as Christ took. Not that we are ever comparable with Christ, but we need to be a reflection of the word of God. We need to walk as Christ Jesus walked, and live as He lived.
If we say that we know God, but live in total debauchery, then what are we saying about God? If we say that Christ dwells within us, but we do not abide in Him, then what are we saying about the walk with Christ? What are we proving to the world when we continue to live in sin, but we say that we are righteous? We are not proving a thing. If we claim to be followers of Christ, but we do not separate ourselves from the sin of the world, then what are we saying about the word and truths of God?
The life that is walked out with Christ should be drastically different from the life that is lived out in sin. The life that is walked out with Christ should leave a trail showing people that life with Christ is different and right. The life that is walked out with Christ should prove to the world that God exists and that God is love. The life that is walked out with Christ should prove to the world that a life lived in sin is not satisfying. The life that is walked out with Christ should prove to the world that a life lived out before the throne of God is amazing and fun.
If we say that we love God, but hate our neighbor, then who are we? If we say that we walk with Christ, but we live in sin, then what are we saying about His action on the cross? If we claim to talk with God and hear from Him, but we take advantage of people in order to get them to follow us, then what are we saying about the gentleness of God? If we say that we are in Christ, then why do we live such wicked lives? If we say that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior, but then we tarnish His name, then who are we?
The life that is walked out with Christ should be completely different from the life lived in sin. The life that is walked out with Christ should leave a trail that leads people to say, “Wow, what is it that makes you that way.” The life that is walked out with Christ should leave a trail that people can notice that that life is lived 100% for God in Heaven. The life that is walked out with Christ should leave a trail that leads people to the cross of Christ and the throne of God. The life that is walked out with Christ should leave a trail that leads people passed the cross of Christ and into a life with Christ, because the cross is just the beginning.
Forgive us for all the times when we fall short of living our lives walked out with Christ. Forgive us for all the times when we compromise our faith.
The life that is walked out with Christ is wonderful and amazing. The life that is walked out with Christ is the only way to live. We need the help of Christ to prove that to the world.
New King James
1 John 2:6 “He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.”
If we say that we love God, but we hate our neighbor, then what are we saying about God? What are we saying about His love? If we say that we are in Christ, but do not walk as He walked, then what are we saying about His life, (His deity)? Are we making God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ out to be a lie? Or, are we revealing our true self? If we say that God has changed our lives, but we continue to be consumed by a life of sin, then what are we showing the world? Are we showing the world that it is okay to live in sin, but say that we are living for God? Is there a fine line between living for God and living in sin? We are kidding ourselves if we say that there is, because the gap is huge, and it should be. There should be a big difference between a life that is walked out with Christ and a life that is lived in the pit of sin. We try to set the boundaries in our lives. I will not do this because god would be disappointed, but this other thing is okay, God will permit it. Those are thoughts that go through our minds, and the devil is ecstatic when we allow ourselves to believe those thoughts. The life that is walked out with Christ should be in the same footsteps as Christ took. Not that we are ever comparable with Christ, but we need to be a reflection of the word of God. We need to walk as Christ Jesus walked, and live as He lived.
If we say that we know God, but live in total debauchery, then what are we saying about God? If we say that Christ dwells within us, but we do not abide in Him, then what are we saying about the walk with Christ? What are we proving to the world when we continue to live in sin, but we say that we are righteous? We are not proving a thing. If we claim to be followers of Christ, but we do not separate ourselves from the sin of the world, then what are we saying about the word and truths of God?
The life that is walked out with Christ should be drastically different from the life that is lived out in sin. The life that is walked out with Christ should leave a trail showing people that life with Christ is different and right. The life that is walked out with Christ should prove to the world that God exists and that God is love. The life that is walked out with Christ should prove to the world that a life lived in sin is not satisfying. The life that is walked out with Christ should prove to the world that a life lived out before the throne of God is amazing and fun.
If we say that we love God, but hate our neighbor, then who are we? If we say that we walk with Christ, but we live in sin, then what are we saying about His action on the cross? If we claim to talk with God and hear from Him, but we take advantage of people in order to get them to follow us, then what are we saying about the gentleness of God? If we say that we are in Christ, then why do we live such wicked lives? If we say that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior, but then we tarnish His name, then who are we?
The life that is walked out with Christ should be completely different from the life lived in sin. The life that is walked out with Christ should leave a trail that leads people to say, “Wow, what is it that makes you that way.” The life that is walked out with Christ should leave a trail that people can notice that that life is lived 100% for God in Heaven. The life that is walked out with Christ should leave a trail that leads people to the cross of Christ and the throne of God. The life that is walked out with Christ should leave a trail that leads people passed the cross of Christ and into a life with Christ, because the cross is just the beginning.
Forgive us for all the times when we fall short of living our lives walked out with Christ. Forgive us for all the times when we compromise our faith.
The life that is walked out with Christ is wonderful and amazing. The life that is walked out with Christ is the only way to live. We need the help of Christ to prove that to the world.
New King James
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Mountain
Mountain
As I have walked around this world, I have lived in enough shame to build a mountain out of it. Having walked in the darkness for years on end, shame continued to build and build until it became unbearable. Climbing and climbing the mountain of being a people pleaser produced fatigue so thick that I wanted to quit this walk altogether. I still thought that I needed other’s approval to worship God, and I thought that I still needed to please people, so I kept climbing that mountain that does not have a peak. The shame piled on when I thought that someone did not approve of my life.
The mountain of shame grew to the height of worthlessness and guilt, pain and agony. Walking before Christ in the darkness of worthlessness felt surprisingly comfortable and right. I wanted to get off of that mountain, but there was nowhere else to go. Plus, I would have to climb all the way down the dreadful mountain that I was already on, and that was just too much work, and I was selfishly unwilling to do it. So, there I sat, soaking up the shame and worthlessness, because that is just what I knew.
Every single day, I thought, “What in the world am I doing here?” And, “obviously this is not how God wants me to live, but why does it feel so comfortable and why don’t I want to leave this situation?” It became my way of life and I was blind to the fact that it was severely destroying my life. I was allowing the enemy to make a root of worthlessness in my life and I did not realize it at all.
One day, as I awoke on a shelf of the mountain of shame and worthlessness, a marvelous light shown through the cracks in the rocks and the schemes of the devil were revealed. I could make out a different mountain in the distance, and I could clearly see a multitude of people climbing that mountain. It looked as though they climbed with ease, and if someone happened to slip or stumble, several people would put a hand out to help. I had never experienced that on the mountain that I was climbing. I sat for an entire day and pondered what I saw on the other mountain. I compared it over and over with my experience on this mountain of sheer destruction. The next day, I woke up and did the same thing. I was kind of scared to start the descent down this dark mountain, so; again, I sat and thought about my situation. What would have to change? When I got to flat ground, would I run to the new mountain, or would I walk? When I got to flat ground, would I forget about the shame, guilt, pain, agony, and worthlessness? I knew that I would not know the answers unless I started moving. I packed up my gear and began to make my descent down the mountain of deceit. It seemed that with each step that I took, something fell from my body or something was broken off. Often times, I had to stop and rest. Whatever fell off, whether it was a finger, or a hand, or an ear, it was replaced by something new, something pure. After several days, I finally made it to flat ground. For some reason, the thoughts of guilt and shame were still there, but just as a reminder of where I cam from, not to bring me down, but so that I could be grateful of where my Lord has brought me out of.
I started to run. The shackles were gone, and I ran as fast as I could towards the new mountain. Out of the worthlessness, out of the shame, out of the pain and agony, I was running away from it. The marvelous light that had shown through the cracks in the old mountain now shown all around me. I made camp between the old mountain and the new mountain. The next day, I was back to running, and I made it to the foot of the new mountain. There was a plaque there with something written on it. I began to read:
Climbing this mountain is no easy task, but will bring you the greatest freedom that you have ever known. Climbing this mountain is no easy feat, but will bring you to the foot of the cross, where you will find peace. Climb at your own risk, because this life will be completely different from the one that you just left. Climbing this mountain is not as easy as one would think, but you do not have to climb it alone. When the rocks seem too difficult to hold onto, CLIMB! When you are unsure of your footing, CLIMB! Climbing this mountain is no walk in the park, but keep pushing on. Climbing this mountain is the most enjoyable thing imaginable by any person, so what are you waiting for? CLIMB!
I begin to climb this new mountain. There are people all around me. They are not pushing me out of the way or trying to get in front of me, but they are there to help me and make conversation along the way.
This mountain may not be easier to climb, but around every corner is grace and peace. This mountain may not be easier to climb, but there are people everywhere to help lead the way. This mountain may not be easier to climb, but there is a promise of a Savior who has already secured the victory.
As I have walked around this world, I have lived in enough shame to build a mountain out of it. Having walked in the darkness for years on end, shame continued to build and build until it became unbearable. Climbing and climbing the mountain of being a people pleaser produced fatigue so thick that I wanted to quit this walk altogether. I still thought that I needed other’s approval to worship God, and I thought that I still needed to please people, so I kept climbing that mountain that does not have a peak. The shame piled on when I thought that someone did not approve of my life.
The mountain of shame grew to the height of worthlessness and guilt, pain and agony. Walking before Christ in the darkness of worthlessness felt surprisingly comfortable and right. I wanted to get off of that mountain, but there was nowhere else to go. Plus, I would have to climb all the way down the dreadful mountain that I was already on, and that was just too much work, and I was selfishly unwilling to do it. So, there I sat, soaking up the shame and worthlessness, because that is just what I knew.
Every single day, I thought, “What in the world am I doing here?” And, “obviously this is not how God wants me to live, but why does it feel so comfortable and why don’t I want to leave this situation?” It became my way of life and I was blind to the fact that it was severely destroying my life. I was allowing the enemy to make a root of worthlessness in my life and I did not realize it at all.
One day, as I awoke on a shelf of the mountain of shame and worthlessness, a marvelous light shown through the cracks in the rocks and the schemes of the devil were revealed. I could make out a different mountain in the distance, and I could clearly see a multitude of people climbing that mountain. It looked as though they climbed with ease, and if someone happened to slip or stumble, several people would put a hand out to help. I had never experienced that on the mountain that I was climbing. I sat for an entire day and pondered what I saw on the other mountain. I compared it over and over with my experience on this mountain of sheer destruction. The next day, I woke up and did the same thing. I was kind of scared to start the descent down this dark mountain, so; again, I sat and thought about my situation. What would have to change? When I got to flat ground, would I run to the new mountain, or would I walk? When I got to flat ground, would I forget about the shame, guilt, pain, agony, and worthlessness? I knew that I would not know the answers unless I started moving. I packed up my gear and began to make my descent down the mountain of deceit. It seemed that with each step that I took, something fell from my body or something was broken off. Often times, I had to stop and rest. Whatever fell off, whether it was a finger, or a hand, or an ear, it was replaced by something new, something pure. After several days, I finally made it to flat ground. For some reason, the thoughts of guilt and shame were still there, but just as a reminder of where I cam from, not to bring me down, but so that I could be grateful of where my Lord has brought me out of.
I started to run. The shackles were gone, and I ran as fast as I could towards the new mountain. Out of the worthlessness, out of the shame, out of the pain and agony, I was running away from it. The marvelous light that had shown through the cracks in the old mountain now shown all around me. I made camp between the old mountain and the new mountain. The next day, I was back to running, and I made it to the foot of the new mountain. There was a plaque there with something written on it. I began to read:
Climbing this mountain is no easy task, but will bring you the greatest freedom that you have ever known. Climbing this mountain is no easy feat, but will bring you to the foot of the cross, where you will find peace. Climb at your own risk, because this life will be completely different from the one that you just left. Climbing this mountain is not as easy as one would think, but you do not have to climb it alone. When the rocks seem too difficult to hold onto, CLIMB! When you are unsure of your footing, CLIMB! Climbing this mountain is no walk in the park, but keep pushing on. Climbing this mountain is the most enjoyable thing imaginable by any person, so what are you waiting for? CLIMB!
I begin to climb this new mountain. There are people all around me. They are not pushing me out of the way or trying to get in front of me, but they are there to help me and make conversation along the way.
This mountain may not be easier to climb, but around every corner is grace and peace. This mountain may not be easier to climb, but there are people everywhere to help lead the way. This mountain may not be easier to climb, but there is a promise of a Savior who has already secured the victory.
Unashamed
I wrote this in the summer of 2008, 2 ½ years after going through some severe depression and anxiety for a little over 2 years.
Unashamed, Security, Comfort
Full of shame, full of guilt, full of sheer and utter confusion. No place to run to, no place to hide. No comfort, no assurance of anything. Flat out no security. The only place I could imagine being was somewhere in a cold forest, hiding under a cold rock, pressed against the cold soil. The enemy enjoyed pointing out all of my failures, and all of my selfishness because I did not want to surrender my whole life to God the Father. Why would I want to give up? That’s what it was going to be. I would be giving up control of my life and I was so scared to do that because I did not know what the outcome would be. Running my own life, I at least thought that everything would be okay. If I was stuck in this rut, and surrendered it all to God, but then was left in the rut, what would I do? That was a question that I did not want to know the answer to. If I kept the reigns in my life, then I at least knew that I could crawl out of the ditch for a little while. Plus, I was too scared to see Your reaction to me giving You my whole life. I was searching for grace and forgiveness, but fearing rejection from Your mighty hand. My fear of what Your reactions would be to my request of grace and forgiveness lead to even more shame, more fear. I was handing the enemy more ammunition and he was gladly accepting it because he knew that I had lowered my shield of faith and I was defenseless against the fiery darts and the nasty lies that he was so ready to use against me.
All of that, ALL of that was taken care of at the tree. Christ took all the shame; Christ took all of the guilt, fear, nastiness and filth. Christ did everything to take away all my rubbish. Because of that fact, I can come before the throne of God the Father with boldness. I can go to the throne of God without shame, guilt, and fear. Nothing can hinder me from speaking to God the Father through Christ Jesus. I can come to the throne of God unashamed. I have security in Christ and what He fulfilled on the ragged tree. There is comfort at the throne of God. Comfort and not pain. God the Father, in Christ Jesus grants me the opportunity to come to Him and live in victory. Being full of shame and guilt is defeated in the act of Christ Jesus dying on the tree. I can have security in Christ. No, no, it is not “I can”, I DO have security in Christ. No shame! Secure! Comfortable! I can come to God the Father and not fear His reaction to my petitions and requests.
Victory! Victory! I can live a life free of shame, free of guilt, free of anxiety, free of worry! I can come to the throne of God unashamed, totally secure and unbelievably comfortable.
Unashamed, Security, Comfort
Full of shame, full of guilt, full of sheer and utter confusion. No place to run to, no place to hide. No comfort, no assurance of anything. Flat out no security. The only place I could imagine being was somewhere in a cold forest, hiding under a cold rock, pressed against the cold soil. The enemy enjoyed pointing out all of my failures, and all of my selfishness because I did not want to surrender my whole life to God the Father. Why would I want to give up? That’s what it was going to be. I would be giving up control of my life and I was so scared to do that because I did not know what the outcome would be. Running my own life, I at least thought that everything would be okay. If I was stuck in this rut, and surrendered it all to God, but then was left in the rut, what would I do? That was a question that I did not want to know the answer to. If I kept the reigns in my life, then I at least knew that I could crawl out of the ditch for a little while. Plus, I was too scared to see Your reaction to me giving You my whole life. I was searching for grace and forgiveness, but fearing rejection from Your mighty hand. My fear of what Your reactions would be to my request of grace and forgiveness lead to even more shame, more fear. I was handing the enemy more ammunition and he was gladly accepting it because he knew that I had lowered my shield of faith and I was defenseless against the fiery darts and the nasty lies that he was so ready to use against me.
All of that, ALL of that was taken care of at the tree. Christ took all the shame; Christ took all of the guilt, fear, nastiness and filth. Christ did everything to take away all my rubbish. Because of that fact, I can come before the throne of God the Father with boldness. I can go to the throne of God without shame, guilt, and fear. Nothing can hinder me from speaking to God the Father through Christ Jesus. I can come to the throne of God unashamed. I have security in Christ and what He fulfilled on the ragged tree. There is comfort at the throne of God. Comfort and not pain. God the Father, in Christ Jesus grants me the opportunity to come to Him and live in victory. Being full of shame and guilt is defeated in the act of Christ Jesus dying on the tree. I can have security in Christ. No, no, it is not “I can”, I DO have security in Christ. No shame! Secure! Comfortable! I can come to God the Father and not fear His reaction to my petitions and requests.
Victory! Victory! I can live a life free of shame, free of guilt, free of anxiety, free of worry! I can come to the throne of God unashamed, totally secure and unbelievably comfortable.
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